"You could have been such a better person, a better father, a better man, but you chose to be a coward and give in to your sexual perversions," said [the offender’s ex-wife and mother of the victim] who said she first learned of the abuse in 2002. "The damage you have caused will last our lifetime."
A fair comment I think.Source here
2 comments:
Addressing ONLY the inference of being a "Coward." Boundaries are a problem for sex offenders. Accordingly, accepting that or other psychological inference we then must conclude a human frailty of a sort we might not understand, but to say a person who submits to one of their personal frailties does not make them a "Coward" instead a person needing help. In that sense I comment on "Coward" only. I also accept that victims may not see things of this sort and do not blame them for that or their anger as to what has occurred.
I don't get this.
Boundaries are a problem for sex offenders by definition - the fact we committed offences means we broke them. So I guess that means we have a frailty keeping boundaries.
It takes courage to deal with your frailties and to face up to the fear, anxiety, loss or whatever is at the source of that frailty. Lack of courage is called cowardice. So I accept I was a coward in not facing up my frailties.
Strong feelings of fear and anxiety have pervaded my life from early childhood. The mood changes brought about by my sexual acting out were for me an anaesthetic for these feelings. Everyone though has to learn to live with fear.
Finding wrong solutions means finding wrong solutions - it does not excuse what I did.
At the same time it is true that if I had got the help I needed as a very troubled teenager my whole adulthood would have been much better and healthier in every way and I would much happier bunny today. But that does not mean my sexual acting out was OK.
So as far as I am concerned I think that comment is a fair one. Now you may feel that is not your issue and does not apply to you - OK. Everyone is different.
Oh by the way the vast majority of my sexual acting out while immoral was not criminal - nor in my view should it be criminal - but a small proportion of it was. And while only a small proportion of it was criminal, all of it damaged other people as it also damaged me and the relationships I formed with others.
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